For Dragons
By KaniS
A long while back I found that someone had decided to link an article on a semi-popular site to my dragon page. The article mainly dealt with the theory that dragons are so often depicted in so many cultures because of some genetic memory of dinosaurs. Well... It's a good way to increase traffic to Draconic, but lots of miscellaneous traffic isn't what I want. I want to touch people like myself. To help them if I can. The miscellaneous web surfer who visits my site may be impressed with the graphics or the design. But that's all they really see - which is fine, for them. But what if you see more? What if you feel something you can't explain - an attraction - a fascination - a love for something inhuman, yet more familiar to you then any human you've met?
Are you a dragon?
I am. That's why I've created this site. That's why I've spent hours and hours collecting dragon images, stories, sites, and have put them here for others like me to find. That's how this whole thing started. Then I began thinking how nice it would be to offer more then just images and words. I wanted to offer feelings and experiences which would perhaps help you to understand yourself, and to understand that there are others like you and I. Around 1994, I found that I wasn't alone, and I was overjoyed. It's not that I hadn't expected that somewhere in this world of billions of people there was at least one other person at least somewhat similar to me; but to actually find that person, many of them in fact, was a turning point in my life. I've seen it have the same effect on other dragons and on displaced spirits of all kinds. We are sometimes referred to as Otherkin - spirits of any inhuman creature "trapped" in human body. From spirits of animals like wolves and foxes, to unicorns, fairies, and elves - they're all out there. In fact, as I write this, there are over 5000 users registered on Draconic.
When I was younger, the question I always asked myself was "Why do I want so much to be a dragon?" I can't tell you how painful those years were. How confusing. At age 10 or so I saw a dragon on a boxed set of D&D. I got a hold of it and started playing the game and finding myself most interested in encounters with dragons. My interest in the game didn't last that long, but my interest in the pictures on the boxes did. I began to collect dragon pictures as a sort of hobby. But it wasn't just a hobby, I found these dragons ... beautiful. I found I ... wanted to be one. But no, such thoughts were wrong. Such things were impossible. Still, collecting pictures seemed OK. I went so far as to buy a book, Dragonsbane, just because it had a dragon picture on it. I never intended to read it.
But I did read it. It was on a long boring camping trip with my parents. And it happened to be about a female mage who was also attracted to dragons, who actually wanted to be one! Perhaps my desires weren't so strange after all. In a few moments my life had changed. I found I could no longer deny what I wanted. I cried because I felt so trapped and hopeless.
How on earth could I ever become a dragon? This question consumed me for a time as I tried to come up with ways it might be possible. Magic, prayer, science... of course nothing worked. In the end I decided my best chance was through genetic engineering, but as a 10 year old there wasn't much I could do to get started on such a project. I had to wait. And while I waited I asked that question I mentioned earlier. "Why do I want so much to be a dragon?" I had this burning desire, something so intense it could make me depressed for weeks on end, so there must be some reason behind it, right? Some scientific, logical reason... In my junior year of high school I got so desperate to understand it and to make my friends understand it that I wrote a story - the story of what I wanted, and why I thought I wanted it. You can read it if you'd like. It's quite long and most people think it is quite well written. This is mainly because I rewrote it 12 times over the course of two years, trying to use it as a tool to analyze my feelings, so I could explain them to myself.
The problem was, the story really didn't ring true to me. The main idea was that I wanted to be a dragon because a dragon was my idea of the perfect creature, but why would wanting to have a "perfect" body be such a passion? Why would it cause me such pain, as if it was something I needed to be happy and complete? Moreover, why would I think a dragon body was perfect? After all, bird wings get more lift, long necks and tails aren't the best for aerodynamics or steering. What about underwater movement, or movement in space and through other materials? What's the definition of a perfect creature anyway? Why not be a shape-shifter, able to change to whatever form was best suited to the environment I cared to explore? I skirted around such questions in my story, but deep down I knew I couldn't answer them. My feelings still didn't make sense, even after two years of detailed analysis.
So it was that I came to have Internet access in college. One of the first people who touched me was a velociraptor. I posted my dragon story to a small mailing list of dragon/reptile fans and her response was by far the longest and most interesting. She seemed to understand. I eagerly talked to her. She told me of how she felt she might have been a raptor in a past life. What? A past life? That's ridiculous. I was a man of science. And yet I'd been raised a Christian and had believed in god for a long time. Why did I turn to science? I had seen no evidence of god. My prayers to be a dragon had never been answered. I'd never seen a miracle. I knew about plenty of very bad things happening around the world. Even if there was a god, he didn't seem to be doing anything of tangible benefit to anyone, so I turned to science. Still, I wasn't a man of science as much as I was a creature of truth. This raptor told me of experiences I couldn't explain with science. She had written long detailed stories of another of her past lives as a member of a strange alien race, a race focused on war and planetary conquest. She remembered this life more clearly than all the others. She told me of her spirit guide, how she'd talked to him for years and one night seen him as a ball of light. Could this be proof of something unexplainable - beyond science? Or was she just delusional, or very imaginative? I couldn't say. Yet I saw no reason for her to make up her past life memories. Most of them were painful and haunted her. They gave her all sorts of phobias in this life which made no sense based on her experiences in this life. I also met others who believed as she did. I met someone who I thought was role-playing a dragon. One night he told me he believed he was a dragon in body once, long ago. He was always depressed about it, wishing to return to that form and wishing to be reunited with his mate who'd been killed soon after their mating ceremony. Was this some strange psychological condition? Was it a need to find something to always be depressed about? Maybe he just randomly chose to be depressed about wanting to be a dragon again? None of the alternative explanations make nearly as much sense as simply accepting that yes, he was once a dragon. Could the reason behind my feelings be the same? Was I once a dragon?
It took a long time for me to believe. I had two separate people tell me that they felt I was a dragon, and their feelings on exactly who I was even matched. I heard story after story I couldn't explain. I even had a few experiences of my own that went beyond my normal perception of reality. Perhaps this could finally answer my question, "Why do I want so much to be a dragon?" The answer is that I miss it. I miss flying. I miss my home world. I miss being strong, and golden, and beautiful. Yet knowing this is the source of all my depression and anger and hurt eases the pain. Another thing I came to personally believe is that we all choose our lives. Through some mysterious system we plan coincidences that guide us towards things we choose to learn or accomplish. Someday I'll be a dragon again, probably in another life, if I wish to be.
The idea that we're all here for a purpose and everything is going to turn out alright on some level probably sounds like wishful thinking to many. When I lost my faith in god I also lost the belief that there was any reason to life. I figured our existence was completely biological, and that when I died, my consciousness would cease to exist. I could accept that. I felt that I was being quite realistic in accepting that "fact", when so many others seemed to be clinging to any belief system they could find, as long as it leant some meaning to their lives. Searching for the truth, rather then finding a false but comforting answer, has always been very important to me. Yet the more experiences I have, the more I carefully look at life, the more I think there is a meaning. Usually, even when an event seems to be negative, the ultimate outcome or something that it teaches me outweighs the negativity of the event. Many times I seem to be mysteriously presented with the same sort of problem over and over until I find a positive way to deal with it, and then that sort of problem never manifests itself again. I've "learned my lesson", apparently. Was there a reason I was born in the month of the snake, the year of the dragon, and the hour of the dragon? I happen to think I chose that birth date to give myself a clue about my past. It's a fragment of "hard evidence" that appeals to my logical nature. There's a book out there called The Celestine Prophecy which says there are 9 major insights into life that humanity is slowly grasping, and that will advance the human species to the next level of evolution. The first insight is the awareness of meaningful coincidences. These coincidences tend to be in the form of an unlikely meeting with one of the few people or situations that can help you. They often provide you with a route towards a goal you had no idea how to reach. They happen more as you begin to notice and take advantage of them, usually requiring some effort on your part to speak to a stranger, or step into an unknown situation. Could this be the mechanism we have for directing our own lives' course? Does paying attention to coincidences and taking action on them lead us on the right path towards our ultimate goals in this life? Maybe. I'm still learning, and I always will be. One thing I've learned is that you can never know anything for certain. The sage is the source of all wisdom because the sage knows nothing. My dragon name, _KaniS, means something like sage in the language of my species, so this is one of my favorite sayings.
What follows is a list of resources I've used to learn and grow which may be of use to you as well.
- The Celestine Prophecy, by James Redfield.
Discusses nine insights into the meaning of things that happen to us, and where humanity is headed. Very thought provoking and interesting, even to the more scientific minded.
- Finding your Answers Within, by Dick Sutphen.
Outlines techniques for self-hypnosis, past life regression, astral travel, etc. If you want to remember your life as a dragon, this is one way to do it.
- A Joseph Campbell Companion, by Joseph Campbell.
I don't remember too clearly what this is about, but I do remember it being very inspiring to me when I was in my early teens. I think it touches on some of the same ideas as Celestine Prophecy, and ties together ideas from most world religions, showing how much of what they say is really the same thing.
- Dragonsbane, by Barbara Hambly.
A rather sad story, but it proved to me that wanting to be a dragon wasn't an unmentionable topic in a popular novel.
- Personal Power, a tape series by Anthony Robbins.
This guy is so enthusiastic about everything you can't help but get caught up in it. Unfortunately the effect doesn't last too long, at least for me, but I think it's still worth a listen.
- Brian Tracy's time management series.
Brian Tracy isn't a very interesting speaker, but his ideas on time management are very helpful if you feel you never have time to get the important stuff done. This was a huge issue where I used to work.
- FurryMUCK
An interactive text based virtual reality. You can find many dragons and other creatures to talk to.
- ConFurence
A yearly convention of Furries - fans of anthropomorphic (human-like) animals. Of course dragons aren't human-like animals, but you'll still find a fair number of dragons going to ConFurence, selling art, watching movies, talking, etc. It's a very fun event.
- Further Confusion
A similar convention to ConFurence but held in the San Francisco Bay area, which is more convenient for a lot of furries.
- Baxil
Another dragon with a long and interesting life story.
- Otherkin.net
A large and venerable resource for displaced spirits of all types, dragon or otherwise.
- The Groves Of Annwyn
A newer web site dedicated to the Otherkin community.
If you're an average web surfer who's happened to find this page, perhaps my thoughts are one of the strangest things you've ever read. My hope is that they help you to understand that there are many ways of looking at life, many spirits, many things we all like to keep secret in the interest of blending in and looking "normal". However, the concept of "normal" is arbitrary. Cultures all evolve over time, and at each period in their history they will have radically different ideas of what "normal" is. Broaden your perspective. Whether your spirit is dragon, human, or something else, it always behooves you to look beyond the arbitrary rules and expectations of your culture. Find your own truth, and fly free. |
