"So, you think you're a dragon?"
By Avatara Raki
So, perhaps you've read the Draconity FAQ or a similar document, or you've been to alt.fan.dragons or Draconic.com. You know a little about this draconity business, but you're still trying to figure it out. Don't worry... Much. Others have been in a similar position and can give you some advice.
A lot of the questions you probably have are common to those new to draconity. This document will attempt to answer some of them, or help you to find answers to others that only you can know.
If after reading it, you want to discuss this with me, or talk about anything else, you're welcome to send me email.
As always, this document contains statements of opinion, not fact. The nature of many of these topics is rather subjective and open to interpretation. I'm quite sure other dragons will disagree with some of the advice given here. If so, please let me know, and I can consider modifying this document to include it. Or, you could write something yourself, and I'll include it in the Draconity Resource Project.
Contents:
How do I know if I'm really a dragon?-
The short answer is: it depends on what you mean by "real".
When you feel like a dragon in a human body, the evidence for your belief is often very subjective, highly open to interpretation, ephemeral and elusive. There will probably never be concrete, physical evidence to support your belief in your draconity.
The good thing is, there doesn't need to be.
When you're a dragon in a human body, the benefit of draconity is often also very subjective, highly open to interpretation, ephemeral and elusive. Draconity is a highly personal thing, so the belief doesn't have to be based upon objective evidence for it to have an effect upon your life, or for you to find value in it.
Nobody knows all the facts, and anyone who pretends to is probably lying to others or themselves. It's okay to be uncertain at times; questioning your draconity won't make you less of a dragon.
You might have to be satisfied with partial or explanations for it, or ones that don't quite mesh with 'common sense' or accepted world views. You might have to re-think your entire paradigm and re-shape your life to deal with the feelings you're having.
So the question you need to ask yourself is: real in what sense?
Is your draconity real in the sense that the letter "n" is real? Is it real in the sense that feeling happy is real? Is it real in the sense that your memories of your fifth birthday party are real? Or do you need to find a new sense of what is real to understand your draconity?
The point, however, is not whether or not you have enough "proof" of your draconity to convince yourself or other people. The point is that these are the questions that you really need answered to live your life. There's no point in exploring draconity if you don't think it will get you anywhere. And if you feel that draconity is important enough to explore, chances are you won't need concrete proof that will hold up under someone else's scrutiny, because it's strong enough to hold up under yours.
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- Can you tell me if I'm a dragon?
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NO.
Awakening is different for each dragon; and it's very much a personal endeavour. Many things you're looking to find, that people in the draconic community find important, are things you'll have to find out alone, such as your 'true form' or 'true name'. Asking advice can often be frustrating, because no definite answers are forthcoming. But it's important to remember that all dragons are different (even those of the same species or 'home world' - think how different two random humans are!), so it's up to you to find your draconity in the way that's best for you. No two dragons will have identical questions, so the process of finding answers will also be different.
Above all, never forget: no one can tell you who you are. Especially in the subjective, personal and spiritual sense we dragons in human bodies experience our draconity.
It's pretty interesting to find out, though. ;-)
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- How do I know what my 'true form' is?
-
Many dragons feel as if they are, or ought to be a particular type of dragon. The physical characteristics of this form tend to be referred to as a "true form". Not all dragons have a 'true form', some feel more attached to some draconic characteristics and traits than others, but no specific image of a true form emerges. Other dragons take their form from a previous life as their 'true form'.
Don't worry if you don't yet have an idea of what your 'true form' "looks like", or if none emerges. It is possible to have an entirely legitimate feeling of draconity without identifying with a particular form above all others. It is up to you what your feelings mean to you, and if you identify with feelings of draconity, then it isn't compulsory to have a clear image of your 'true form' in order to express those feelings.
However, it's entirely possible that you will have an impression of your true form, or want to clarify certain details of it. It's worthwhile asking around in draconic communities for techniques to do this, if that is what you believe will be the most effective way for you to express and experience your draconity.
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- What about past life memories? What about "phantom limbs"?
-
What about them? Some dragons have them, some don't. For some it's important to developing and maintaining a sense of draconity, for others it isn't. As with the general question of whether or not you're "really" a dragon, it isn't so much whether you have them or not, but whether they're important to you.
Nobody can tell you how to be a dragon. Especially not in the subjective, personal and spiritual sense that we dragons in human bodies experience and express our draconity.
If having past life memories or feeling phantom limbs are important to your sense of yourself and the way you approach draconity, and you think they're going to be useful to you, then you can pursue techniques to develop your sensibilities. A good place to start is The Lostkin Project, which is specifically designed to help those without past life memories to remember them.
The question still remains, though, how do you know if these are important?
Memories are the foundation of identity. If you identify more with the concepts, social arrangements, people, places and body lived in in a past life, then it probably is worth exploring. Understanding that the past and the present are different, though, is important. Dwelling on the past and foregoing the potential good things about your present life is obviously undesirable. But if issues from the past affect you now, it's important to recognise, understand and deal with them so they don't cause you problems.
Learning techniques to relax, and the skills to deal with all these potential issues is also important. Community spaces, like mailing lists and web forums, can be a good source of support and advice for the specific things that come up.
Memories and past life issues don't just have to be problems, they can also be very happy and enormously enriching. Being open to the joyous and fun aspects of draconity is important, too.
As for phantom limbs, these can genuinely be annoying and difficult. Finding meditative or psychic techniques for dealing with them might be helpful. Asking around is probably the best way to find out what you can do about these.
Again, it depends on you. There's no stock answer that I can give here. You can talk about it with me if you want, or discuss the issue with other dragons, but ultimately nobody but you should dictate your priorities in these kinds of matters.
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How do I know I'm not crazy?-
You don't. :-p
Craziness is also often subjective, and sometimes it can be a lot of fun!
Don't refrain from expressing yourself just because other people are likely to think you "crazy". At the same time, though, don't put yourself in positions where it's likely you'll be adversely affected because you do something "draconic" or "crazy". Being able to express yourself is important, but sometimes that comes at a cost -- it's up to you how much you're willing to risk.
Draconity isn't a mental illness. Mental illness is defined by behavioural dysfunction and/or emotional disturbance. Draconity doesn't necessarily lead to either dysfunctional behaviour or extreme, disturbed emotions, and it isn't defined by those things either. You can be a calm, happy person, good at your job, with a loving family, and also be a dragon.
Of course, draconity can also be upsetting and difficult. Awakening, confronting traumatic past-life memories, or facing discrimination or taunts can be very upsetting. It's important not to ignore the real causes of your emotions, just as it's important to not over-dramatise them.
Some people characterise the belief that you are a dragon as a delusion, which they'd consider a sign of mental disorder. Again, it's important to have your own functional ideas about the nature of reality, and the nature of your beliefs, to determine whether this "mental disorder" is an actual concern, or just a semantic trick.
All the dragons I've known who have told therapists about their draconity were told that there's nothing wrong with the belief that you are a dragon so long as it doesn't stop you from being a functional person.
Ideally, exploring draconity should actually help you in your life, not impede your functioning.
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What are dragons supposed to be like?-
This question probably raises more questions than it does invite answers...
The first question is "why do you want to know?" It's important because the purpose you're defining something for largely determines the content of the definition. Understanding what a dragon is is as much about the context in which that understanding takes place as it is about the dragons themselves.
When a scholar asks the question "what are dragons supposed to be like?" their answer, and their ways of going about finding that answer, will be quite different from the answer that a dragonkin would get.
Context determines the nature of the question.
The second question is: "where do your answers come from?"
Mythology, popular culture and fantasy give a variety of meanings to the idea of 'dragon'. These are human interpretations, yes, but they are important to the way we see ourselves. Understanding which definition is most significant to us as dragons-in-spirit is an important exercise, IMO, in the development of better self-knowledge of a draconic identity.
Our ideas about dragons come from many sources, not only the memories, images, feelings and impressions we get from within, but also those transmitted through culture. Identifying "internal" feelings and/or impressions with a broader cultural conception or phenomenon is often the most obvious thing that draws a person to explore their draconity. To say, for example, that you are a certain kind of dragon, or have had particular characteristics in a past life, relates two causally distinct phenomena: past-life memory or spiritual self-image, and the culturally-derived idea of a dragon. Relating these two phenomena is a very creative way to make sense of identity.
The fact that images and ideas of dragons come from human culture as well as our own experience enables us to come together over a common understanding in the human world. This is why we have a such a diverse draconic community, although somehow we resemble the rather vague and arbitrary impression of "dragon".
The third question is: "what are you going to do with that information once you have it?"
A lot of people in Otherkin circles do judge others by how well they fit a preconceived notions of what it means to be a dragon. Often that's both counterproductive and hurtful. This is hardly the purpose of a draconic community, which is to form a supportive and creative group which we can draw from for creative self-expression, support, friendship, and development. The standards for determining whether or not you're a dragon are hardly objective -- they're subjective as hell, and ought to be recognised as such.
Trying to limit yourself to certain conceptions of draconity existing in society, such as Draco from the film Dragonheart, might just be a futile exercise. It's important to remember that these are characters whose function is to represent certain things, not people like you and I.
It is certainly useful and noble to try to take on the values and ideals of dragons as an archetype, but it's important to distinguish between a fantastic or mythological ideal and the "real you", so as not to reduce your personality to a one-dimensional stereotype.
Certain other tendencies of dragons in mythology or fiction aren't so noble or desirable, though. Often as not, dragons are violent, brutal, ugly, frightening, sadistic and sly. You may well have those qualities as well as the more noble, generous, beautiful, loving, and guileless qualities dragons are portrayed as having.
Sometimes you may feel cranky, mean, avaricious or sly. You may even be ashamed of this. ;-)
Again, it's important not to treat yourself as one-dimensional just because you identify with a certain archetype or image that's prominent in culture. You can be many things besides what these common representations portray and still be a dragon.
Don't expect to get along with all other dragons, either. Sharing a nation, species, or genetic material doesn't mean that the members of other species necessarily get along. There are a number of things you might have in common with other dragons, and there are things you might not. We're as diverse as any other group of people.
Remember that draconity isn't something you feel passively. It's something you experience actively. You may feel specific things about dragons, or about what sort of dragon you are, but those feelings may also change and you can change them.
Of course, trying to make yourself into a certain kind of dragon, or a certain kind of person in general, because you think you ought to be is generally not a good idea. Aspirations can be useful, but don't forget to be honest with yourself.
That said, the question of what a dragon is has often been asked and answered, with a few common answers each time: dragons are generally solitary, free, powerful, graceful, intelligent and amoral. Other common answers have been: dragons are affectionate, cute, noble and magical. ;-D
As you can see, some of these answers are in conflict with one another, but people feel that they describe dragons accurately. The important point for you to remember is that you need to figure out what sort of dragon you are. Other dragons may fit these various descriptions, but no one dragon will fit them all.
And always remember that no-one can tell you who you are.
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What if I want to be a dragon physically? Is it weird, misanthropic, or "wrong" to want to be a dragon in body?-
Wanting to be a dragon physically is a reason a lot of dragons come to examine their beliefs about draconity. It's perfectly normal (for dragons) to want the physical appendages and capabilities that a physical dragon form has. Part of identifying as a dragon is identification with a dragon body, and being without that body can be awkward, difficult or painful at times.
It's important not to ignore these feelings, to acknowledge what you desire and to explore its implications in order to deal with it better. Avoiding these issues tends to create a warped perspective and leads to dishonesty with yourself, which is unhealthy.
Again, it's important to ensure that the way you engage with these feelings leaves you a functional person better able to deal with things in your life. Accepting and exploring your draconity is, arguably, something that can help you to do that. Feeling like "something is missing" is okay, so long as you're able to deal with those feelings and channel them into creative pursuits in your own life.
Misanthropy is the hatred or distrust of humanity. For many dragonkin, this includes self-loathing. Wanting to be a dragon physically because you loathe your physical body for no good reason -- that is, it's healthy, whole, and functional -- is not a good thing. It isn't healthy or conducive to good functioning to hate your body or yourself.
Feelings of hatred often come from feelings of fear, inadequacy, anger and self-loathing. Wanting a dragon body because you hate yourself as you are isn't healthy, no more than an eating disorder is healthy. Trying to compensate for a negative self-image by wanting to be a dragon won't help you in the long run. Wanting to be a dragon because you think humans are bad is a misdirection of your emotional energy. Although draconity can be painful and difficult to explore, that process can be healthy. Encouraging negative emotions is not healthy.
Understanding who you are, and accepting that, as well as understanding and accepting humanity, is a necessary step towards encouraging healthy desires. It's important in general to understand and accept your own positive and negative qualities, as well as those of other people. It's okay to feel as if a human body is wrong for you, so long as you don't exaggerate that feeling into a moral condemnation of all humans, as some dragons are prone to doing.
It may be weird to want a dragon body, but dragons are, on the whole, a rather weird lot. ;-D That isn't always a bad thing.
As for whether it's "wrong", there's nothing wrong with honestly expressing a desire that isn't destructive to anyone or anything.
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Okay, I'm pretty sure that I'm a dragon. Now what?-
Well, what do you want to do?
The world is a big, wide, wonderful place. There is virtually no end to the amount of things you can be involved in. That holds true for anyone really, be they human, dragon, elf, wolf, gryphon, faerie or Interstellar Cheese Being. It's a matter of finding that wonder and involvement to your own needs and ends.
Draconity can play virtually any part in your life you want it to. It can inspire you or it can hold you back. It's a matter of engaging with it so that you come out leading a life where you can express yourself best.
Remember, nobody can tell you how to be a dragon.
There are some phases of Awakening that Otherkin have in common, though. Some experience their Awakening gradually, slowly remembering past lives or experiencing new feelings, while others go through a mad rush of realisations.
After this phase has settled, you can start exploring what draconity means for your everyday life. How has it changed you, if at all? What are your priorities now? How has it changed your worldview? What do you want to do about it?
Some dragons end up feeling like it hasn't changed them much, and go back to "normal life". Others end up going in vastly different directions because of their new-found understanding.
Awakening is one step in the continuous growth and development a person undergoes throughout their lifetime. It's important to remain open to insights, experiences and knowledge from sources other than draconity, or the dragon community. Draconity shouldn't limit you, it should help you.
Going into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are can be a very positive thing. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses can bring a fresh perspective to how you relate to people, and how you function in the variety of situations life throws your way.
You've probably made a few new friends, if you've been involved in the dragon community. It's up to you what level of involvement in the dragon community you want. Some organise large gatherings, while others just keep casual contact with a few friends. None is better or worse, and you should find the level that's right for you.
Dragons come in all shapes and sizes, and live their lives in all sorts of different ways. There are some interests common to most dragons, such as interest in dragon art, but even those aren't compulsory. The reason most dragons choose to pursue draconity as a lifestyle choice, spiritual paradigm, hobby, personal growth program, inspirational mental state, Dance Dance Revolution strategy or whatever is because it works for them. Now that you've come to draconity, you're probably going to have to decide whether or not it works for you, and if so, how best to incorporate it into your life.
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- What's the point of believing I'm a dragon?
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Whatever you make of it.
That said, some ways of being a dragon are healthier than others. Misanthropy, self-loathing, escapism or elitism are probably not the point of believing you are a dragon. There are much simpler elitist, escapist fantasies you could indulge in.
Ideally, realising your draconity should make your life better, or at least help you be more honest with yourself. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's a cheerful, easy process of realisation, but if it's important then it should help you to accept yourself and to deal with things better.
In some ways draconity can be a "spanner in the works", something unexpectedly complicated, difficult and seemingly useless, but I honestly believe that being honest about your feelings and learning to deal with them can only be beneficial in the long run.
There is honestly no point to believing that you're a dragon unless you can see it. The usefulness of draconity in your life is up to you. Unless you can see a point to draconity, it probably isn't worth exploring.
Other dragons have found ample point to believing they are a dragon. A dragon I know, Baxil wrote this of dragons in a journal entry: We need to show we're people just like anyone else; we need to show we're unique and genuinely different. We need to show we can blend seamlessly into society; we need to show we'll never be entirely at home in it. We need to show that we picked some wisdom up out of those five-thousand-year lifespans; we need to show that we're humble and aware of our fallibility. We need to show why we choose to chase possibly unreachable dreams. We need to show that the myths we represent are alive and that magic is there to be found if you look.
Some dragons take the dragon archetype as an example of something they aspire to. They are inspired to create things, to change the world, to treat other people differently, to change people's minds...
Anything you learn about yourself, that also helps you become a better person, is worthwhile.
As much as other dragons might explain what draconity means to them, you will have to figure out what it means to you. Good luck. :-)
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What about magic?-
What about it?
Magic and dragons are similar phenomena in that they're pretty much exclusively dismissed by mainstream views in modern, industrialised societies. They're usually confined to children's stories or fantasy and maligned as childish or immature objects of belief.
Yet for some people they are very real forces in the world, and yet others choose to involve them deeply in their lives, when they choose to call themselves mages, witches or dragons. People who choose to align themselves with forces and ideas that are dismissed by dominant beliefs are usually ridiculed or persecuted, so it takes a lot of self-confidence to be open about these beliefs.
Believing that you are a dragon can give you that strength. If you are honest with yourself, it's generally accepted that you'll be more likely to be confident about your beliefs and convince others of their benefit for you.
Some dragons see courage of conviction as a gift that they can use to give back to society the "magic" it has lost. They see their draconity as something which can actually benefit society by inspiring them to take certain kinds of actions, be they the kind of "ceremonial magick" traditionally associated with the term, or a looser, broader definition that sees potential magic in many things and seeks to bring it out where it's hidden and obscured.
They might practice glamourbombing or simply try to make people feel more wonder, whimsy and empathy in their everyday lives.
Dragons are associated with magic and magical forces; this comes from mythology and popular culture -- but that doesn't mean that there might not be something to it. However, defining just what magic "is" is both complicated and difficult, as not everyone will have the same idea of it. Because of this, maybe the first thing you should take to heart about associating magic and draconity is that there are no easy answers.
You should be wary of people selling easy answers to you to explain your "magical" dragon nature and about all the magical things you "need" to know, "because you're a dragon".
Like draconity, understanding magic can be a great help in your own personal growth, and in expanding your worldview. For some dragons, magic is integral to their view of the world, and to their everyday lives. It helps them make sense of things and deal with practical issues. For others it's more of a distant force operating outside their immediate life circumstances, but still there, and yet others don't believe in it at all. It's different for each dragon.
There's no automatic connection between magic and draconity, so don't worry if you don't experience all the "magical" phenomena often reported by other dragons. Don't expect to be more open to "magical" phenomena because you feel like you are a dragon, and don't believe those who tell you that you should be experiencing certain things or doing certain things in order to be a "real" dragon.
If you are experiencing paranormal phenomena, and want to explore magic further, there are a number of books you can read and tutorials you can do to understand and deal with these phenomena better. The Otherkin Booklist by Orion Sandstorrm is a good starting-point.
No single magical system will work for everyone. Take your time in exploring the varieties of magic out there, and try a few things out. I know dragons who have learned magical skills in group situations, on their own, and with a teacher, and each of them practices effectively for their purposes.
At the same time, experiencing magical things, while it is special and wonderful, doesn't make you superior to anyone else. Everyone has their contribution to make to the draconic community and to society as a whole, whether they are "magical" or not. There are many other special and wonderful things in the world other than magic.
Dismissing something or someone automatically because they're "mundane" or "unenlightened" is simply the reverse of those dominant views that dismiss "magical" things because they're "fantastic" or "immature".
Some dragons don't believe in magic, and that's okay as well. There is no fixed dogma that goes with draconity (all indications to the contrary aside, especially this document! ;-D). It's okay to disagree with other dragons about magic, or anything else, so long as you are respectful of their right to their opinion and don't present yourself as an absolute authority on anything.
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What about humans?-
What about them us?
Many dragons (in human bodies) tend to speak about humans as if they themselves were not human. However, it's important to remember that you are also human in some measure, because of birth, upbringing, biology, socialisation, and various other factors. As a person, you can't ignore these as important parts of who you are, just as you can't ignore your draconity as an important aspect of your identity.
Ignoring your humanity will surely make you dissatisfied and unhappy, as you have to interact with and exist in the human world in order to express your draconity!
Think of this document - you need a computer, an internet connection, an ability to read English (a human language!), to use your opposable thumbs to click on hyperlinks and various other human phenomena to access this document on the internet - how could you do without these, in this life?
Going through life hating yourself or others is unhealthy and will tend to make you unhappy. Being a dragon isn't about hating humans or humanity.
Being a dragon isn't about a negative identification of "nonhuman", about seeing what's not there. It's about recognising what is there, the differences that make interpersonal relationships so fascinating, and celebrating those differences.
Just as there are many ways to be a dragon, there are many ways to be a human, as well as being a dragon!
Many cultures have specific roles for people who identify with animals other than humans. Tserisa has written an excellent essay on this subject -- Trans-speciesism --, which relates the phenomenon of draconity as it exists in contemporary society to other cultures and the way they deal with 'trans-speciesism'. It's important to realise that the assumption that you are defined by your physical form is a limited one, even in dominant Western cultures, and there are many other ways to be human and to take advantage of your humanity.
Many dragons are nevertheless in the apparently paradoxical position of "hating" humanity. Such a topic requires an entire essay to address adequately, and fortunately one dragon has taken up the challenge, Baxil has written On Dragons and Hate, to explain why misanthropy is both destructive and misguided.
The question remains, however, of how to relate to "normal humans" once you realise that you're a dragon and start cultivating your draconity. To this there are no easy answers. As with many other aspects of draconity, this is something you will have to figure out for yourself, much as any other "normal human" figures out how to relate to other "normal humans".
Something to remember, though, is that, like "normal humans", being secure about your identity will tend to help you in our relations with other people. Some draconic experiences can indeed be alienating and difficult to talk about, but that's what the draconic community is for -- to help you share your experiences and help you deal with them. This should help you relate better in the "real world".
Remember, humans are people too! ;-p
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Isn't believing I'm a dragon escapist?-
Depending on how you deal with draconity, it might be escapist or it might not. There is nothing inherent to draconity that makes it escapist, but, on the other hand, there isn't anything inherent about draconity that makes it not escapist.
Dragons too have to deal with everyday issues, like feeding, clothing and sheltering themselves, as well as the various other issues that come up in modern life - work, transportation, school, family, relationships, technology etc. Like "ordinary humans" some dragons do better at this than others.
Some aspects of draconity can make you better able to deal with these things. Draconity can help you be more confident about yourself, so you might feel more comfortable moving away from home, getting a new job, or being more honest in your relationships.
On the other hand, draconity isn't well understood among the majority of the population, so it may make your life more difficult by giving you added problems of discrimination or harassment, much like neopagans face.
If it is these day-to-day issues that dragons are allegedly 'escaping' by turning to draconity, escapism isn't a very good explanation for draconity.
Draconity doesn't make you less or more able to deal with these issues than any other aspect of identity, such as ethnicity or gender. It is how draconity relates to things going on in the rest of your life that makes the difference.
Being a dragon raises a number of issues in addition to the day-to-day issues that most people face. It's important to know how to deal with them, so they don't interfere with the rest of your life. Being a dragon shouldn't restrict you from something you want to do because it brings up odd issues. Being a dragon doesn't exempt anyone from being a well-rounded person.
In this way, accepting draconity is actually a way facing up to these issues, rather than 'escaping' them.
If a dragon uses their draconity as a crutch to make themselves feel better about themselves, and feel superior to others, then draconity is indeed a form of escapism. This kind of behaviour only uses draconity as an instrument of the ego, and is therefore rather insincere. Draconity isn't something you can choose because you want to feel superior to other people, or ignore your own faults. Draconity can't compensate for personal faults by giving you ready-made virtues; being large and shiny, having fire breath, wings, scales etc. won't automatically give you the skills to deal with life. Draconity can certainly help, but it is entirely up to you to cultivate those skills in yourself.
It is also important to make sure you don't place too much faith in draconity as an explanation of all your problems. Being a person with diverse interests and skills means there can be various sources of difficulties, or even triumph, other than draconity and you shouldn't forego these.
You don't need to 'escape' from or to anything in order to be a dragon. Draconity can be a part of life, much like any other, and it thus has its own trials and triumphs. It's important to be able to deal with these and get on with life, so that draconity doesn't become an 'escape'.
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How do I tell someone about my draconity?-
Fortunately, this question has already been answered by many dragons who have made the attempt.
Flare Carrot suggests asking yourself these questions before you reveal your draconity:
Why do I want to tell others?
Why is this reason important?
Do I understand my draconity well enough to be able to explain it to others?
Can I explain it to myself?
If whoever I tell doesn't take it well, what impact will this have in the future? How will they react? How will I react to their reaction?
How should I react to their reaction?
She suggests having well-developed answers to each question before attempting to explain your draconity to others, otherwise you may find yourself in the awkward position of having to justify yourself in something you haven't thought much about.
Draconity can often be counter-intuitive and obscure for those who haven't had any contact with it or similar ideas (such as Otherkinism or furry lifestyles). That's why it's also important not to become defensive when your beliefs are challenged and know how to react when you talk about draconity. You'll be better understood if you have a clear explanation of it for yourself.
Eredien has some further advice in her essay Breaking the News:
There are several factors involved in
any revelation of draconity. First and foremost, the person whom
you are telling. Secondly, the time at which you plan to tell
them about your draconity. Then, there is the way in which you
tell your story. Finally, there is the way in which you think
the person will react to your story.
The most important factor that I've found
in the people I am telling is trust. Do you trust them to keep
what you've told them confidental? (Unless that's not what you
want them to do, of course.) If you have the slightest
doubt in their ability to hold true to their word, I'd suggest
holding off, at least for a while. Or, alternatively, you could
tell them, and deal with the potential consequences. That's a
messy route that I'd rather not take, though it might be right
for someone else. Keep in mind that a parent, say, views you in
a different way from a friend or a significant other, and be aware
how the views that different people may have already formed about
you might be further affected by your revelation.
If you have any further questions, feel free to contact either myself or Eredien about it. We realise that telling someone about your draconity can be nerve-wracking and difficult, and are willing to give you support and advice about it if you request it.
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I know someone who I think might be a dragon (or elf, gryphon, phoenix, wolf, bear etc.). What do I do?-
Firstly, it might be good to follow the advice in Eredien's essay about telling them about your draconity first. Sharing something profound and personal about yourself is more likely to encourage another to do the same.
If you have a friend who believes they are a dragon, try to be supportive and open to discussing it, even if they disagree with you about some topics. You could also point them to resources about draconity, such as the Draconity Resource Project or Draconic.com, some online discussion areas, or particular essays or documents, such as the Draconity FAQ.
Revealing your draconity can be nerve-wracking and frustrating, so try to be patient with the person you know. If, ultimately, they decide not to pursue draconity and decide it isn't for them, don't feel discouraged or offended. Draconity, like all aspects of identity, is fluid and can change over time, so it may well be that this person you know has 'moved on'. It doesn't mean you can't still be friends.
You should also remember that much like nobody can tell you who you are, you can't tell someone else who they are.
You can never say with authority who someone "really" is. Only they are in a position to determine it for themselves. You can certainly help them, and listen to their ideas, but you should never present your own ideas as the "One True Way" of draconity.
Draconity is often too subjective and abstract to be able to say definitive things about. When someone makes a statement about draconity, it is often about themselves, their draconity, only. So trying to make statements on behalf of someone else with respect to draconity is neither easy nor very accurate for the way draconity works for dragons in human bodies. At the very least, it will be unhelpful.
There are ways to make your suspicions known, but it is probably not a good idea unless you know the person well and know they are open to the idea of draconity. Convincing someone that they are a dragon (or elf, gryphon, phoenix, wolf, bear etc.) when they're resistant to the concept, however, is not a good idea. At the very least you will be rebuffed, and at worst you'll lose a friend. Instead, you should probably try to explain your situation, and assess whether or not they're open to the idea of draconity before explaining the reasons you believe that they are a dragon (or elf, gryphon, phoenix, wolf, bear etc.) if you decide to do so. Be prepared for the idea to be rejected, because draconity isn't for everyone.
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All further questions, comments, suggestions and critique may be directed to Avatara Raki, the author of this document.
Good luck!
Kind thanks to Kaijima A. Frostang, Kaltezar Dragon and Flare Carrot for editing, suggestions and comments.
Thanks also to all the dragons whose work I have quoted in this document, as well as those whose input appears indirectly because of the indelible impressions all our contact has left upon me.
I humbly dedicate this document to all dragons everywhere. |
