Breaking the News
By Eredien
So, you've been thinking about telling
someone - a family member, maybe, a friend - of your draconity.
Most everyone I've talked to has, at some time or another, at
least thought about it.
It's hard not to. It's especially hard
when you're living in close quarters with someone close to you
- parents, roommates, a significant other - who you're afraid
might find out by accident. You want them to know. You feel like
they need to know - they're not getting the whole you, the real
you. You don't feel as if you're being genuine. But you're afraid
they won't understand, or worse, refuse to understand. For a long
time you take the middle road: thinking about what might
happen if you told whomever.
So you think about what you fear might
happen. You're afraid you might be kicked out - of your home,
your place of worship, your 'regular life' in general. You're
afraid friends will shun you, your family will abandon you, your
boyfriend or girlfriend will leave you.
And you think about the opposite reaction.
The ways in which you'd like it to happen - your family and friends,
loving and supportive. 'Perhaps', you whisper to yourself in the
back of your mind, 'perhaps one of them is a dragon, or a furry….'
And you wish, and you hope, and you dream.
One moment you are terrfied of someone finding out. The next moment,
you wish that they had, just so that you could be over with the
charade.
Maybe, though, one day, you get fed up
with it. Or you get sick of living in fear. Or there comes a time
where people almost find out by accident, and think, "that
was way too close for comfort."
For whatever reason, you make a choice:
I am going to tell them what I am. I am going to tell it to them
in the way I need and want to explain it, where
and when I choose. This is going to be on my own terms.
Congratulations. You've just taken your
first step towards telling others of your draconity.
Now comes the tricky part: doing it.
Note: The following ideas and tips
are based on my own personal experience, as well as listening
to the ideas and experiences of others for a number of years.
Please read with this in mind.
There are several factors involved in
any revelation of draconity. First and foremost, the person whom
you are telling. Secondly, the time at which you plan to tell
them about your draconity. Then, there is the way in which you
tell your story. Finally, there is the way in which you think
the person will react to your story.
The most important factor that I've found
in the people I am telling is trust. Do you trust them to keep
what you've told them confidental? (Unless that's not what you
want them to do, of course.) If you have the slightest
doubt in their ability to hold true to their word, I'd suggest
holding off, at least for a while. Or, alternatively, you could
tell them, and deal with the potential consequences. That's a
messy route that I'd rather not take, though it might be right
for someone else. Keep in mind that a parent, say, views you in
a different way from a friend or a significant other, and be aware
how the views that different people may have already formed about
you might be further affected by your revelation.
There are three main ways of telling people
about your draconity, timing-wise.
You can go straight out: "I'm a dragon,"
and encourage them to ask questions.
You can bring it up naturally. This is
much more useful with people who you tend to talk well with anyway.
It's a bit hard to judge, perhaps, when it might be an appropriate
time to bring up the topic. Here's a few times that I think might
make good starting points:
- If the person you are trying to tell already knows a bit
about the "furry subculture". Perhaps they draw anthro
animals. Perhaps they've bumped into a few at a science-fiction
convention here or there. One caveat: try to find out their attitude
on the aformentioned culture before simply mentioning that you
are part of it. Nasty mistakes can be avoided in this way.
- If you're already talking about rather metaphysical things
like, 'what, exactly, constitutes a soul?'
Not everyone has discussions about
"what constitues a soul," of course. :) But if you really
listen to what's going on about you, sooner or later, you will
find a good place to slip it into the conversation.
You can bring it up obliquely, by starting
off with getting people to notice the fact that you really like
dragons. Maybe you have a dragon poster-collection. Maybe you
write poems about dragons, or research historical portrayals of
dragons. If someone comments on these things, you can take it
from there.
One more factor is the way in which you
tell your story. You may want to clarifiy your own views before
attempting to explain them to someone else. You might want to
write things down. Try a few methods, and find one that works
for you.
Another important thing is the way in
which you think people will react to your story. If you know the
person you are trying to tell regularly volunteers with the gay-rights
group, they *may* be a better bet than, say, someone who doesn't
understand interracial dating. Note the use of the word may -
this doesn't hold true in all circumstances.
It depends on each individual person.
Always.
A recap: if you've made that decision
to finally tell someone of your draconity, keep in mind who you're
telling it to, the timing of when you are telling it, the way
in which you tell them about it, and their potential reactions
to it.
I hope this helps at least a few people.
Please feel free to send in questions, comments, stories, and
good advice of your own. If I like it, I might even put some of
it up here. :) And good luck. |
